How do you manage the ache in your heart when your 3-year-old regresses to wetting his pants at school, at church, and at home and you blame yourself? How do you manage the ache in your heart when your 3-year-old has a meltdown at preschool and cries for his Mommy for 20 minutes and you're not there? How do you manage a child's slipping grades when you know you haven't sat down and spent time working on homework together and asking the teacher how you can do more to help?
I make a potty sticker chart and get treats for my darling little sweetheart. I work on homework tonight with my larger sweethearts. Then, in the middle of the night, when it's quiet, I wet my pillow with my tears, I beg God to make up the difference, to do those million things that I just can't do. I pray my Mom doesn't read this post, because I know my pain is her pain plus more. I understand that, because Derek's 20 minutes of hurt will hurt me for days or years. I thank God for the warm arms of my sleeping husband around me to protect me and support me. I thank God for my husband's offer to take Derek with him to St. George to work with him tomorrow so he can spoil him by buying him a "Bug Juice" and give him all his attention. I start to feel the rest of my Savior and pray that I can continue to let this burden go to His shoulders and am grateful again for His life, His love, His death, His understanding~
